Last night I had a bit of a meltdown. This does not happen to me too often, but last night it certainly did. It is so silly to have a meltdown over something as inconsequential as planner envy, or envy of any sort, for that matter. Alas, my feelings are my feelings.
I am blessed to be on an Influencer Team with women who are incredibly talented. That having been said, as I looked at their blogs, their IG stories and feeds, the number of people who respond to and support them on social media, and the overall stunning work they do, I began to have that feeling of being “less than.” My reaction may have been partially due to an (oh so thankfully) averted tragedy at my son’s college this week. I just don’t know. Nevertheless, there it was. Straight out of nowhere. The horrid green-eyed monster was rearing its ugly head.
I found myself feeling envious. I was jealous, sad, and ultimately, felt like I was not good enough. I cried a little. (Well, maybe more than a little.) So, what the heck was going on?
I have learned a wonderful technique to help me look at why I might be feeling the way that I am feeling. I can then address those issues, should I choose to.
The technique is called H-A-L-T.
I am to ask myself if I am hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired? So, was I hungry? Nope. Was I angry? Yes. I was angry that others had not responded to me the way I wanted them to. Was I lonely? A bit. I miss my son, and my boyfriend has been working incredibly long hours. Was I tired? Well, glory be. Yes, I was tired. Now that I had identified what might be going on with me, it was time to act.
I chatted online with one of my team members (she provided great support), texted my son to say goodnight (it helped that he texted back), talked with my boyfriend (it was lovely that he was home), got into bed (I am so blessed to have a home and a bed), escaped into a book (I love to read), fell asleep (rejuvenating sleep is such a gift), and got a good night of rest (sighs contentedly). I awoke feeling much better. This morning, after prayer, I wrote my gratitude list and journaled about my feelings. The point is, I took action. It is okay for me to have a short little pity-party. I think we all need that sometimes. It is not okay for me to just accept it and sit in it for a long period of time.
I do not like that I can still beat myself up this way. I do not like that I still tend to compare myself with others. I do not like that I sometimes feel not good enough, unaccepted, unsupported, and unadmired. (Talk about a self-centered attitude!)
When I give it time and take some action, I ultimately end up in a better place, because here is what I know for sure. I am perfect just the way I am. I have talents. There are some things I do extremely well, and some, not so much. Just like everyone else in the world. Each of us is uniquely individual. When I accept who I am, just as I am, I am a much happier and content human being.
Will I still try to improve my planning style, and strive to emulate those I admire? Yes, they inspire me! Will I also continue to look at social media, and sometimes have that intense planner envy (or home envy, fashion envy, age envy, relationship envy-whatever)? I am going to go out on a limb here (ha-ha) and say, yes, it is likely I will. I am human. Experience has shown me, however, I can always come back to a place of contentment. A place of feeling good enough. In fact, a place of feeling more than good enough. A place of acceptance with who and what I am. I just need to take some action to get there.
Do you ever feel intense planner envy? Or intense envy over anything you think someone else has or does? How do you overcome it? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!
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